he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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