My pussy is not your playground.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
