I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
