gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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