It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
