I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
