just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
