i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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