hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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drinking out of a sandbucket again
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
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When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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