your parents love me but you hate me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
