Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize