God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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