Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
