This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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