Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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