Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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