what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
