I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
