I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
