I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
