He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
