Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
