Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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