Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
