you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
