just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
