so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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