Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
