i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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