Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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