epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
