omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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