WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
