we have pet lesbian snakes
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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