toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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