I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
