I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
