I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
