Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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