yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
