He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
someone owes me an orgasm
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
