If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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