The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
