TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
