Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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