either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
