my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
