I think im going to throw up on grandma
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
