hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
