I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am naked and annoyed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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