Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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