he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
