i barfeds in our rink
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize