so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
MIDGETS
????
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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