My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
