if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Your penis caused this!
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