i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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