Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
