Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize