Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
