did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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