Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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