he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
