so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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