she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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