Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
