we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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