he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
