Cold hands, warm shart.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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