Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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