Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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