If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
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I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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