I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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