Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
