i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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