The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
