I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
