i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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