did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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