I skipped work to stalk him.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
