I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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