Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
