I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
