nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
