Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
