So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
